When people counter anxiety with, "It's all in your head!", they're partially right. A lot of the time we create stress and put it upon ourself. Intentionally? Of course not, because who would want such suffering. But with that moment of blindness and irrationality, we're making ourselves sick with stress and worry, to the point where our fear could become very real.
Emetophobia for example, my number one phobia. The fear of vomit, whether it's vomiting, seeing someone else vomit, or seeing vomit on the ground. I begin to feel a pang in my stomach. That pang turns into a sense of doom in my chest, and that sense of doom forms into nausea that seems like it's reaching up into my throat. Now it's time to think; was I really nauseous, or was I so concerned about being nauseous that I became anxious, leading to feigned nausea?
Likely the latter.
I'm not disputing the fact that anxiety is, for the most part, predetermined. In my case, I was doomed from the start. It stems back many generations; depression, anxiety, substance abuse, all sorts of toxic conditions that can impact ones self-worth and quality of life. I've suffered from emetophobia since I was 3. It became obsessive when I was 11, and I began missing school and avoiding public outings in fear that I would catch a stomach virus.
I didn't eat because I thought the food would cause me to vomit. As a result, I became malnourished and severely underweight while my body was trying to grow and develop into a woman.
I lost a lot of friends who, in honesty, would have tried to help me. They wouldn't have understood, but they would have been there for me. And that's all that matters. Instead of opening up, I closed myself off and then wondered why I no longer was being invited out. Maybe because every time, I refused, or bailed early.
I don't blame anxiety, emetophobia, or my ancestors. I don't blame myself either, although I do regret the choices I made. There's no one to blame. All we can do is accept that we have obstacles to overcome, and deal with them the best we can.
I've spent my whole life avoiding vomit and vomiting, instead of realizing that I need to accept it. Vomiting is a healthy, normal part of our life. It can happen once a year or once a month. In some cases, once a decade, or once every other decade. There's no way to tell. But avoiding the fear doesn't solve the problem, it masks it and allows it to grow.
Well hello, acceptance. Nice to meet you. You and I are going to get along just fine.
